woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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