Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
