it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
