how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
