just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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