I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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