His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
