Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
