i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My vagina is officially offended.
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