i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
