Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
