yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
