Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
