the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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