Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
