I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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