Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Randomize
