it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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