So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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