I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
