just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
