i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
