How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I want to have your abortion
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just cropdusted the office
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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