i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
