Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
