So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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