I got chris browned last night
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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