When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
