I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
