Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
