this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
