Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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