Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
