i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
