before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
