I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
