I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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