Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
