so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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