I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
