Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
