I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
