sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
