i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
