she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
