I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so that wasnt chicken after all
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
