I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
