I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
