Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
