Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
