So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
