My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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