he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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